So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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