everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
