You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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