Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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