Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
