I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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