There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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