Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
