U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
