I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I am morally bankrupt
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
