Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
