There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
