Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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