My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
