My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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