Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
