she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
