If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
