We won't sleep together?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
