Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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