In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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