So drunk its hurt
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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