did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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