we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize