It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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