I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
