New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
