i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize