Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
