Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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