she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
