We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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