I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
