nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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