so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize