Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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