they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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