I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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