Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
