I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
