Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
