i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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