Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize