I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
