I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize