Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
