i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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