You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
