I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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