he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
