I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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