Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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