Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
