i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
