You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
