Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
