afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize