I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
