He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drunk is a universal language darling
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