were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
