If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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