my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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