smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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