I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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