I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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