i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
