i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
