now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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