I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You don't make any sense
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