When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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