I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize