He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
