You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My vagina is officially offended.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
