do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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