youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
