I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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