I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
