i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
