I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
