Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
