Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
