He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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