there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
