i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
