Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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