I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize