I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
