I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
