was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
