i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
