He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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