That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
