wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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