Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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