'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
