The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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