To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize