i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
