i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
