Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
