none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
