11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
