Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
