he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
