do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
