I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
