so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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