im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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