Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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