Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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