You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
