if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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