I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
