well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
