This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
