How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
try to milk me bitch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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