she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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