I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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